A puzzlement

To have another kid, or not. That is the question.

With C being 19 months old, Ricky and I are starting to toss around the idea of having a second kid. If we did, we wouldn't want them to be too far apart in age. That combined with both of us being 30+ now, if we're going to go that route it needs to be sooner rather than later lest we wind up being old parents.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, but we're already going to be in our upper 40s when C graduates high school. Would prefer not to push that into our 50s if we can avoid it.

We're both pretty torn. We would love to have another little bit in the house, but daycare is expensive. We're comfortable, but not as much so as we would like.

Then I have my own personal concerns. C is wonderful, but my experience bringing him into the world wasn't. I had late developing ICP and pre-e. My labor was moving incredibly fast (at first) until my blood pressure got so high that I was on the verge of stroking out. They had to bring it to a halt and then start it up again with pitocin. That combined with a missed epidural (twice) led to a spinal headache which made the first week of C's life the most miserable I've ever felt.

Birth PTSD? I may have it. Maybe.

Maybe I'm just being selfish.

Maybe.

I had similar anxiety before I got pregnant last time, until we just decided to rip the band-aid off and see what happens. I get the feeling it may come down to that sort of decision again this time.

I just wish I was more confident in what was right.

Indecisiveness sucks.