The second mile

When I run lately I tend to average 3 miles (give or take depending on route and mental fortitude). The first mile is always super easy, after all I'm just getting started so I feel really good as a result. The third mile is okay; normally by that time I'm ready for it to be over with so I start picking up the pace again. That second mile, though, is always the hardest. I start hurting or losing a bit of steam, so that's when I tend to have imaginary conversations or think my deepest thoughts of the run. Anything to distract myself, ya know?

On today's run, in order to distract myself from the very real possibility of being covered in oak mites, I couldn't help but consider what makes us like a person or not. For most of my life I've been told that people had the tendency to dislike me when they first met me. I came across as bitchy or cold. Things like that. It was only after they got to know me that they realized I was funny - or whatever their particular descriptor is - and while bitchy at times, not a bitch.

What happens when we don't give people that chance though, and we automatically write them off forever as someone on our "avoid at all costs" list? It's entirely possible that they're truly a great person, and we're missing out by not interacting with them. (What? I'm trying to be positive!) Or even if they aren't, we still might be able to find some sort of common ground. Connection, people, connection. It makes us more likely to remember that everyone's a human with feelings.

Sadly, even at 31 there are some people whom if I saw I would hide behind the nearest item and pretend like they don't exist. Not nearly as many as there once were (Mom perpetually gave me a hard time for acting as though someone was invisible if I happened to see them at the mall as a teenager), but still. I'm not proud to admit this. At all. But that's part of growing up, you acknowledge your flaws and try to reduce them in your kid(s).

So as a personal challenge, I'm going to try to be more open-minded when I first interact with people (or at least act friendlier so I don't seem as bitchy). You're welcome to give it a shot, too. It could be especially helpful until this horrible election cycle is over.

One more week.

Sigh.

A friend in need...

Ricky said something the other day that made me think:

"It seems like we, both of us, only have friends in our life while we're of use to them. Once they no longer need us, they're out."

After thinking about it a bit, that does seem kind of true - for the most part.

We do have a couple of friends who have been in it for the long haul (ironically, most of whom currently live in London - and who have invited us to recent events in KC but we've had to say "no" to the sanctioned things. Doesn't mean we can't hang out still while you're home, we're just out for Memorial Day weekend!!), but for the most part our past friends have only been so when convenient for them.

That's not to say that they did it intentionally, at least I hope not, but there have been a number of times when I've continued to try to make the effort only to be ignored.

I wonder what it is about us that leads to this...

Should I take this more personally?

It feels like a normal person probably would. But for some reason it doesn't really bother me that much. I enjoyed my time with them while it lasted, but I guess we're just at different places in our lives now. It doesn't make me miss them any less, or feel any less lonely at times, but yeah...

It just kind of is what it is.

I hate that saying. But it's true.

I guess this is an instance when being an extroverted introvert by nature comes in handy. I'm okay with "being alone." I get my social needs out of the way at work and then can go home, decompress and hang out with my favorites.

Still, I kind of miss my friends.

Sometimes.

I wonder if they ever miss me.